Out of the mouths of babes...

As their smiling faces come pouring in at a quarter past seven, I am reminded of where they have just come from. One would assume that these nicely groomed children with backpacks in tote would come from the highest classed families in Dallas. They politely smile and greet me with, “Good Morning Miss Eng,” from the very smallest that stand no higher than my knee to the very oldest that are most likely taller than me.
As I listen in on their stories, I am reminded of where they actually come from. Two little girls were waiting for their mom to pick them up from school and began talking about their home life. Yes, they do share a room was the answer to another girls inquisitive questioning. For that matter, they all shared a room, but mommy got to sleep on the bed. They giggled and smiled as they said, “And it REALLY gets crowded when daddy is there too! But it’s ok because we are all squished in together!”
I am amazed at what the kids pick up on from their own family life. A fellow teacher told me of one 2nd grader who was complaining of a hurting side. His teacher asked if he had told his mom and he said, “No, I don’t want to make her more sad than she already is.” When the teacher inquired as to why, he poured out his sad tale. “My mommy is sad because my daddy left. It makes me sad too. That’s why I don’t want to tell my mommy because it will make her more sad.”
As I hear these children’s stories, it breaks my heart and makes me want to hold them just that much tighter. Their childhood is so much different from my own, but they want what every child wants: someone to love and care for them.
I overheard a little boy tell his teacher, “At my last school they told me they wished I had never been born.” The teacher put her arm around him and said, “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
This is West Dallas Community School and I am proud to be a part of it.

Creative Response to Galatians 5:1

For Bible study, we had to write a creative response to Galatians 5:1...
Here's mine:
A heavy metallic ball rolls across a stone floor, followed by the sound of chains rattling and a small humph. I am a slave. This is how it is, day in and day out. It slows me down, wears me out and keeps me from being who I was created to be. Burdensome, heavy, weighed down… I become depressed and overwhelmed wondering if there is any end in sight. I am a slave. The small moments of happiness that I do have are quickly tossed to the side and replaced by this chain that keeps me from running, jumping, dancing…
I have tried to make it pretty, build a cart for it to ride in, or just plain ignore it… but nothing works, nothing helps. It follows me around and haunts me. I am a slave.
But then He showed up. I tried to hide it, but he pulled it out in the open. Tears flowed freely as I tried with desperate attempts to explain it away. He stopped me mid-excuse, wrapped me up in his arms and said that I was never meant to be this way. In my tired state, I gave in to his arms and wept shamefully. I could feel his breath on my cheek as he whispered, Do you want to be free?
I couldn’t make my lips form the words, so I just gave a silent nod through snot-nosed sobs and handed him my chains. He lovingly took them upon his own shoulders and exclaimed, “You’re free!”From the very beginning he had never wanted me to be a slave, he wanted me to be with Him… I wanted my chains… HE wanted my freedom. It was all gone, the pain, guilt, and shame was replaced by joy, hope, and love. I jumped emphatically into his arms and kissed his cheek. What else could I do? Words could not express the thankfulness in my heart for what he had done for me.
His only request: that I wouldn’t go back. But why would I? I was a slave, now I’m FREE!

Heart Language

I’m constantly perplexed by the concept of wanting what we can’t have. We take things for granted when we have them every day, but complain when they are suddenly ripped always.
Living in Ecuador was no walk in the park. There were very difficult moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. There were moments of tears and frustration. But there were also moments of pure joy and gladness. Moments where I got to watch my friends fall more in love with Jesus or accept him for the first time.
Before I left Ecuador, I made a list of all the things I WOULDN’T miss so I could laugh, reminisce and remember that it wasn’t perfect or better than this place I am in now.
As the weeks have turned into months of living in the States, I have come to the realization that I am pulling away… not because I want to or because I don’t love my Ecuadorian friends, but because it’s safer. It’s safer to not call them all the time and not know every detail of their lives because then I can’t miss them so much.
Last night, as I was worshipping in church with eyes closed, a familiar sound came to my ears: Spanish. Steven and I looked at each other in stunned amazement as we threw our hands in the air and praised God in what had become my heart language. Tears blurred my vision as I recalled the words that had been sung and the Word that had been preached over the past two years living in Ecuador. I miss it.
I will never forget May of 2008 when I sung my first English worship song in 5 months. Tears would not stop streaming down my face as I cried out to my Creator in the language of my heart. Who would have guessed 3 years later, my heart would cry for a different language, a different people and a different city. Investing your heart in a people, a city, a country is not safe. Your heart breaks and then is permanently stuck in that place. So I guess it would be easier to play it safe, to never invest and to hold people at as much of a distance as possible… I’m glad Jesus didn’t do that and I pray I will always follow His lead.

My Sunrise

I think I am officially "Grown Up." For the past 8 years, since I have been out of college, I have never had a "normal" job. I've always worked weird hours, stayed up late, woken up late and worn whatever I want. Those good ol' days are behind us now that I wake up at 6, "dress up" every day for work and am in bed by 10. The only plus is getting to see the sunrise.
Yesterday morning as I turned on 35, the sun creapt out of the ground and its rays poured through the clouds. As my voice sang "Wholly Yours," a tear came to my eye realizing that that sunrise was for me. I couldn't help but thank him for being such a beautiful creator. I always used to say that God was in the sunset because I was never awake to see it come up, but I guess the plus of being a grown up is that I get to see the beauty in my sunrise.

Here comes the Bride...

Picture it with me: the doors fly open to reveal a grinning bride dressed in dazzling white. Her eyes are brimming with tears as she sees the one her heart loves. Her butterflies disappear as she settles into his gentle gaze. A sweet giggle escapes her lips as she takes the first step down the aisle. Her long awaited day has finally arrived. Soon they will pronounce husband and wife... Mr. and Mrs... the two becoming one.
As I lay in my bed the other day making mental preparations for my wedding coming up, I began to think about this moment... walking down the aisle toward the rest of my life. And honestly, I couldn't help but smile and giggle in excitement. I am marrying my best friend; the one who holds me when I am sad and makes me laugh so hard I think I might cry. But preparations need to be made... over the next 4 1/2 months, we will prepare spiritually, emotionally, mentally... we will make preparations for the cake, the dress and our lives. Though the preparations are many, the outcome is the same: we are married. And its a day I wait for in joyful anticipation.
As I was reading in 1 John this morning, I began to think of our future wedding with no date. The doors fly open and we, the church, the bride of Christ walk through. All nervousness and butterflies disappear as we settle into the gentle gaze of our Savior. He's been waiting for this day for so long. Instead of sauntering, I take off in a full sprint into the arms of the One my heart loves. He whispers in my ear, "I am so excited about being married to you!" This is a day we are waiting for, but right now, we prepare. We know that one day we will be united as one, but for now he calls us to this: "And now, dear children continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."
Right now, I am Steven's bride-to-be. I have finally come to understand Jesus' impatience being united with me, the one His heart loves. I understand his jealousy for wanting all of me and no desire to share me with anyone or anything else! I understand the longing He feels in waiting for that great day when we will be ONE. Just as I can’t wait for my earthly bridegroom, I smile and my heart beats faster as I think of the day that two shall become one for eternity.

Over a mop and a bucket...

Last week as I was waiting nervously for my job interview, a man came out into the waiting room to clean the floor. We exchanged pleasantries and then I went back to looking at the paper in front of me. He began to clean the floor and talk to me. Come to find out, his name is Clifford and he's one of the janitors there.
What started out with a casual hi, suddenly morphed into an animated telling of how Jesus saved him. Clifford was just like one of these west Dallas kids who had a hard life and got mixed up in a bad crowd. Drugs, alcohol and the works came next. One day he was talking to his mom about his desperate need of SOMETHING to save him and she told him he needed to go to some sort of rehab. Through strung out eyes he said, "No, God is going to deliver me." Shortly after, he went to a Dallas homeless ministry to listen to a preacher. After it was all over, someone said to him, "Go shake the man's hand." Clifford stood up to see who was talking to him, but saw no one. So he sat down again. This time the voice was more forceful,"Go shake the man's hand." You didn't have to tell him 3 times... he walked up to the preacher, shook his hand and said thank you.
The preacher looked at Clifford and began to tell him things about himself that only God knew. The preacher began to pray healing and deliverance over him. He shared the truth of the gospel and the love of Jesus Christ.
I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear as Clifford said to me, "And I was healed! God healed me of my addictions!" Just at that moment, I was called in for my interview. I looked back to see Clifford mopping with a joy that comes only from the One who heals body, mind and spirit.
Who would have guessed I went in to get an interview and I walked out blessed beyond measure by a story over a mop and a bucket.
p.s. I got the job and hope to hear many more stories from this amazing man of God.

Stories over a Sushi Bar...

World Cup 2010 "Spain versus Netherlands" put us at a Sushi Bar in Frisco hanging out with our friend David. Little did I know that God had other plans for me being there.
Most people thought Steven had to drag me to go watch the game and eat sushi. I actually ENJOY watching soccer... I think it comes from being forced to watch it in Ecuador. Anyway, as the game began a woman sat down at the bar next to me and we started making small talk. Its started with the normal, "What's good here?" and "Who's playing?" but before you know it we started digging into deeper things. Come to find out she has a 4 year old son and a set of 2 year old twins! (yikes!) The reason for the outing was just that, to get OUT. Her gracious husband allowed her a "Mommy Day" where she could do whatever she wanted to relax. She randomly chose this sushi place to sit down for a bite and a couple beers.
The more we talked, the more connected we became. The more I listened, the more I realized that there was something different about this woman. Through a series of comments, I ended up asking, "Do you go to church around here?" and she came back with, "Yeah, I go to The Village." By this time the game had started and the guys were engrossed in the television.
I flippantly asked her how she became a Christian and she got that "do you really want to know" look on her face and said, "That's a really long story." I told her stories were the one thing I could never hear too many of.
She started her story with growing up in an Episcopal church and knowing all the "right answers" but not knowing what any of them meant. That was the best life got because by age 11 she was dabbling in drinking, drugs, sex, you name it. By the age of 19 she had moved out of her house and in with her boyfriend. Together they did more drugs and and opened more doors for Satan to rear his ugly head.
His mom was a Christian and always talked to her about Jesus and his salvation but she blew it off thinking the mom was a bit crazy.
Through a series of events, she came to the end of her rope. She sat in her car gripping her steering wheel. As she closed her eyes, she decided she wanted to die. When she opened her eyes again, she was sitting in front of her mom's house, not knowing how she had gotten there.
Her mom helped her check into a psychiatric hospital and so began God calling her to Himself. One night as she cried on her bed, her roommate (who had not said much before) came over to her and began to say the Lord's prayer. After that she began to tell her about Jesus' love and salvation.
The next day her boyfriend called her and said that he had come to know Jesus and was now a believer. He said he wanted her to know Jesus too. She called her mom to pick her up and the three of them went to the Episcopal church to talk to the pastor.
He explained the Gospel of Jesus and asked her to repeat some of the things he was saying. She told me, "I couldn't say the words. I couldn't even comprehend them. There was a block in my mind that was keeping me from understanding." As she struggled within herself, they began to pray over her. She closed her eyes and said it was as if something was reaching its hand deep into her stomach and puling apart something connected to her soul. As it was pulled out of her body, she saw a bring light, more beautiful than she could ever begin to describe. Suddenly she opened her eyes and it was 3 hours later. They told her that over the last three hours, voices had spoken through her that weren't her, she had yelled and screamed and then suddenly she opened her eyes and it was done.
At this point in the story, I was sitting with mouth agape, having no clue what was going on in the game and not caring. She said for the next 2 years she had a hightened sense of awareness of the spiritual realm. People who had done drugs and been with them before were now afraid to sit next to her. They said that when they were near her it was like sitting next to a fire.
I sat in awe at what the Lord had done in her life. As I looked at the woman before me, I saw a normal, beautiful, wife and mother... but she had at one point experienced hell and then had walked into the arms of a loving Father.
I thought of the passage where the immoral woman brings a bottle of expensive perfume to pour on Jesus' feet and everyone rebukes her, but Jesus says, " I tell you, her sins -- and they are many -- have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven."
Whether your sins are great or small; whether your story raises the hair on my arm or only gets a smile and a "Oh, that's nice;" whether you have been forgiven much or litte, we are all in the same boat... dying in desperate need of a Savior. It is only by the blood of Jesus Christ that our sins are forgiven! Isn't it time we rejoice in the grace we have been given?!

How much is your integrity worth?

The other day at work, I gave a guy $2 more in change that I should of. When he realized the error, he walked back to the counter and handed it back to me. I thanked him for his honesty and he said: My integrity is worth more than $2.
Starting there, I began to think more and more about how much people would sell their integrity for... $100? $500? $1 million? Or $2 for a cup of coffee? (p.s. someone printed off a fake starbucks coupon to get a free $4 drink... what does that say about you?)
As I was flipping through the channels, a show caught my eye: True Beauty. The show consists of 10 beautiful people competing to work in Vegas. What they don't know is that judges are ACTUALLY judging them on their INNER beauty. They stay or are kicked off depending on how honest they are, how they help or don't help people, and the amount of people they step on to get to the top. They also don't realize that the judges have set up these little "character scenarios" to test their true colors when no one is looking. It blew me away at how heartless and ruthless they truly were when no one was "looking."
For me, God boiled it down to this: Colossians 3:22 "Obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the LORD." How many times do I do the "right thing" when people are watching and do what is most convenient when I think no one is looking? All of these little snap shots have challenged me to ask the question: How much is my integrity worth? Will I do what is right, not just when their eye is on me, but at all times to show a sincere heart and reverence for the LORD, not for man. Something to think about...

Insignificance...

Abraham picked up and left all he knew in order to wander around before he became the Father of a great nation.
Joseph was a slave and sat in prison before he saved his brothers from starving to death.
Moses watched sheep in the dessert before he saved the Jews from Pharaoh.
Jesus was a carpenter for 30 years before he saved the world.
The list of people throughout history who waited in insignificance is overwhelming. How many times do you think Jesus thought: 'Why do I need to walk back to Jerusalem? I could just fly. Or better yet just BE there.' Or the 100s of times that Moses looked around and said, "I'm watching sheep. Wasn't I just the prince of Egypt? REALLY?"
Recently I've looked at my life and said, "I'm a barista at Starbucks. Really God?" My life has felt small and insignificant. And all of the sudden I realize that I am BACK to where I was 4 years ago when I said to God, "You have nothing for me. You have no plans for my life." That statement was followed by the most amazing experience in my life and falling in love with the most amazing man. But even AFTER learning what a great God I serve, I still ask the same question, "Really? I'm supposed to be HERE?"
Today I was reading in James and the famous, “Consider it joy…” when? When you face trials. And I thought to myself, I am NOT facing trials like the early church! I’m not being persecuted, tortured or fed to hungry lions… I seriously have NOTHING to complain about. The interesting line comes in the next statement… “For you know that the testing of our faith DEVELOPES perseverance. Whether our trial is physical, spiritual or emotional… James says that you are developing perseverance. I am developing a deeper trust for my Father when I wait on him instead of take life in my own hands.
During my time at Starbucks, I haven’t felt like I’ve done much for Jesus. I just go to work and go home. No big deal, right? I heard this weekend at the Family Life Conference that being a parent is a “Character Job”… and I’ve decided that EVERY job is a character job. If you are ministering to people at your job they watch every move you make, every careless word and judge your “Talk about Jesus” by your ACTIONS. In the past week, I’ve gotten the opportunity to talk to two of the guys I work with about Jesus and what He wants for them. I do find it amazing that both of them mentioned that they had been IN the church and left due to hypocrisy and legalism. So I guess it IS a big deal what kind of life I live in front of my co-workers.
Next time you think you’re stuck in a holding pattern with your life, ask yourself, ‘Am I considering it joy? Is Jesus trying to develop something in me?’ Someone is always watching and Jesus is always working.

Please don’t send me to Africa… or my neighbor

I remember hearing that song when I was a kid…
Please don’t send me to Africa
I don’t think I got what it takes
I’m just a man, I’m not a Tarzan
Don’t like lions, gorillas or snakes
I’ll serve you here in suburbia
In my comfortable middle class life
But please don’t send me out into the bush
Where the natives are restless at night

This has never been my song or my fear. I’ve always been the opposite… Jesus don’t make me stay in suburbia, send me to Africa!
Recently I’ve been hanging out with my friends Jess and Mike and they have inspired me to consider Africa AND the suburbs.

Last year Mike and Jess tried to sell their house in order to move to a bigger house for their growing family of 4. No matter how hard they tried or what gimmicks they used, their house wouldn’t sell. So they just figured that meant God wanted them to stay there for a while longer. They realized that they had lived in the same house for 6 years and the only way they knew their neighbors was by an occasional wave or “How’s it going?” That’s how Mission 5 started. They decided to be intentional in their outreach to the 5 neighbors they have on all sides of them. Mike began taking the boys to go and say hi, Jess baked cookies and they began to invite people to church one by one. As Jess and Mike were telling me this story, I got super excited to see what God was doing in middle class suburbia through two of his faithful servants who were willing to love people.

Just a month ago, Jessica told me, “I’ve built a protective Christian bubble around myself and its just about time I got out!” She and Mike have decided to live missionally. For Jess, that means she wants to take a short term mission trip to another country, but more than that, she wants to take her CHURCH. And for Mike, that means Mission 5. The greatest part about this story is that they are NOT just talking about it, they are doing it. They have approached their pastor and said it was just about time that they had short term missions and the pastor said, “GO! You’re in charge!” For most people, that would stop the idea in its tracks, but not these two. They are stepping up to the challenge though they don’t know how they are going to swing it financially or gather people to go. BUT they are stepping OUT and trusting God who began this work to complete it.

Just yesterday I was asking Jess how Mission 5 was going and she told me that Mike decided to just be up front and ask one of their neighbors, “So what do you believe?” As the family explained their dislike for religion due to the massive amount of hypocrisy found in the church, Mike chimed in, “Me too! I hate religion and hypocrisy!” I can only imagine the man’s stunned face as Mike went on to say that Jesus wasn’t about a religion but a relationship and that he never meant for his church to talk one way and act another. Wow, talk about saying it how it is! As Jess and Mike have committed to pray and love on all 5 of these families, I cannot wait to see what God does with their faithfulness…

Be careful when you tell Jesus to burst your “Christian bubble,” he might send you to Africa or worse yet, your neighbors.