Monday, August 30, 2010
I’m constantly perplexed by the concept of wanting what we can’t have. We take things for granted when we have them every day, but complain when they are suddenly ripped always.
Living in Ecuador was no walk in the park. There were very difficult moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. There were moments of tears and frustration. But there were also moments of pure joy and gladness. Moments where I got to watch my friends fall more in love with Jesus or accept him for the first time.
Before I left Ecuador, I made a list of all the things I WOULDN’T miss so I could laugh, reminisce and remember that it wasn’t perfect or better than this place I am in now.
As the weeks have turned into months of living in the States, I have come to the realization that I am pulling away… not because I want to or because I don’t love my Ecuadorian friends, but because it’s safer. It’s safer to not call them all the time and not know every detail of their lives because then I can’t miss them so much.
Last night, as I was worshipping in church with eyes closed, a familiar sound came to my ears: Spanish. Steven and I looked at each other in stunned amazement as we threw our hands in the air and praised God in what had become my heart language. Tears blurred my vision as I recalled the words that had been sung and the Word that had been preached over the past two years living in Ecuador. I miss it.
I will never forget May of 2008 when I sung my first English worship song in 5 months. Tears would not stop streaming down my face as I cried out to my Creator in the language of my heart. Who would have guessed 3 years later, my heart would cry for a different language, a different people and a different city. Investing your heart in a people, a city, a country is not safe. Your heart breaks and then is permanently stuck in that place. So I guess it would be easier to play it safe, to never invest and to hold people at as much of a distance as possible… I’m glad Jesus didn’t do that and I pray I will always follow His lead.
Friday, August 27, 2010
I think I am officially "Grown Up." For the past 8 years, since I have been out of college, I have never had a "normal" job. I've always worked weird hours, stayed up late, woken up late and worn whatever I want. Those good ol' days are behind us now that I wake up at 6, "dress up" every day for work and am in bed by 10. The only plus is getting to see the sunrise.
Yesterday morning as I turned on 35, the sun creapt out of the ground and its rays poured through the clouds. As my voice sang "Wholly Yours," a tear came to my eye realizing that that sunrise was for me. I couldn't help but thank him for being such a beautiful creator. I always used to say that God was in the sunset because I was never awake to see it come up, but I guess the plus of being a grown up is that I get to see the beauty in my sunrise.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Picture it with me: the doors fly open to reveal a grinning bride dressed in dazzling white. Her eyes are brimming with tears as she sees the one her heart loves. Her butterflies disappear as she settles into his gentle gaze. A sweet giggle escapes her lips as she takes the first step down the aisle. Her long awaited day has finally arrived. Soon they will pronounce husband and wife... Mr. and Mrs... the two becoming one.
As I lay in my bed the other day making mental preparations for my wedding coming up, I began to think about this moment... walking down the aisle toward the rest of my life. And honestly, I couldn't help but smile and giggle in excitement. I am marrying my best friend; the one who holds me when I am sad and makes me laugh so hard I think I might cry. But preparations need to be made... over the next 4 1/2 months, we will prepare spiritually, emotionally, mentally... we will make preparations for the cake, the dress and our lives. Though the preparations are many, the outcome is the same: we are married. And its a day I wait for in joyful anticipation.
As I was reading in 1 John this morning, I began to think of our future wedding with no date. The doors fly open and we, the church, the bride of Christ walk through. All nervousness and butterflies disappear as we settle into the gentle gaze of our Savior. He's been waiting for this day for so long. Instead of sauntering, I take off in a full sprint into the arms of the One my heart loves. He whispers in my ear, "I am so excited about being married to you!" This is a day we are waiting for, but right now, we prepare. We know that one day we will be united as one, but for now he calls us to this: "And now, dear children continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."
Right now, I am Steven's bride-to-be. I have finally come to understand Jesus' impatience being united with me, the one His heart loves. I understand his jealousy for wanting all of me and no desire to share me with anyone or anything else! I understand the longing He feels in waiting for that great day when we will be ONE. Just as I can’t wait for my earthly bridegroom, I smile and my heart beats faster as I think of the day that two shall become one for eternity.