Monday, August 30, 2010
I’m constantly perplexed by the concept of wanting what we can’t have. We take things for granted when we have them every day, but complain when they are suddenly ripped always.
Living in Ecuador was no walk in the park. There were very difficult moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. There were moments of tears and frustration. But there were also moments of pure joy and gladness. Moments where I got to watch my friends fall more in love with Jesus or accept him for the first time.
Before I left Ecuador, I made a list of all the things I WOULDN’T miss so I could laugh, reminisce and remember that it wasn’t perfect or better than this place I am in now.
As the weeks have turned into months of living in the States, I have come to the realization that I am pulling away… not because I want to or because I don’t love my Ecuadorian friends, but because it’s safer. It’s safer to not call them all the time and not know every detail of their lives because then I can’t miss them so much.
Last night, as I was worshipping in church with eyes closed, a familiar sound came to my ears: Spanish. Steven and I looked at each other in stunned amazement as we threw our hands in the air and praised God in what had become my heart language. Tears blurred my vision as I recalled the words that had been sung and the Word that had been preached over the past two years living in Ecuador. I miss it.
I will never forget May of 2008 when I sung my first English worship song in 5 months. Tears would not stop streaming down my face as I cried out to my Creator in the language of my heart. Who would have guessed 3 years later, my heart would cry for a different language, a different people and a different city. Investing your heart in a people, a city, a country is not safe. Your heart breaks and then is permanently stuck in that place. So I guess it would be easier to play it safe, to never invest and to hold people at as much of a distance as possible… I’m glad Jesus didn’t do that and I pray I will always follow His lead.