The Thing I was most afraid of has come true…

Before I moved here I remember crying about the Thing I was most afraid of. Some peopl wondered if it was the lack of friends… others thought maybe getting sick… or new food… or new culture… but I really I was TERRIFIED that my Spanish would never be good enough to express my heart.

This week it happened. Three different times I had the opportunity to share my heart with someone and I was found wanting due to my lack of Spanish ability. Here’s the story: Leydi is a friend that I’ve been hanging out a lot with and we’ve gotten really close. Right now she is having some guy “issues” and so we met for lunch. She explained to me her desire for a good man and when I asked if she could just be single for a while she said, “No.” And then asked me how I did it.

The there was Philippe. He’s a guy in the English class. This week we ended up talking about heaven for a really long time. He told me how only good people go to heaven. We discussed what separated a good person from a bad person… and eventually he asked for my opinion.

And finally it was at the Bible study as Gabi, one of the girls told a story about her mom not liking the fact that she was going to the Bible study. Last week her mom asked, “Are you turning into a Christian?” She calmed her mom’s fears as she told her that she was indeed still Catholic. This week as she was heading out the door to go to Bible study, her mom stopped her to tell her that if this “change” in her life was due to this Bible study, then she was fine with Gabi going.

Did I have deep thought-provoking words to tell Leydi? No, but I did share with her how my Jesus completes me. That he satisfies me loves me deeply.

Did I have a theologically worded argument to tell Philippe? No, but I told him how much God desired to have a relationship with sinners like me. That no one was good enough to have a relationship with the perfect God of the universe and THAT is why he sent Jesus.

Did I encourage Gabi with a well-worded monologue? Of course not but I loved her and I praised God because of the growth that I (and her mom) see in her.

This week I was more frustrated that I have been in the last 3 months over my Spanish. I was on the verge of tears during Spanish class on Friday. As I sat on the steps and cried out to the Lord, he brought back these three instances to my heart and said to me, “The thing you were most worried about, I took care of. No, your Spanish isn’t good enough to express every word on your heart, but I the Lord will speak for you and will say the things I want to say.

The thing I was most afraid of has come true, but the One I trust with all my heart has come through for me in spite of my inadequacy.