Anxiety...

"If only..." Two simple words that can cause you a world of hurt...
Your list could look something like this: If only I had a job. If only I DIDN'T have a job. If only I had money. If only I had MORE money. If only I had a house. If only I had a BIGGER house. If only I had a husband. If only I DIDN'T have a husband. If only I had kids. If only I DIDN'T have kids...

Not two weeks ago, I sat on this couch "If only I had a job..." and now I'm wondering how to juggle a job and all the random "events" I have that keep me from work. As I thought about the flights, the bridal showers, dresses and weddings, I found my breathing begin to shallow and my heart rate go up. Discontentment had begun to swallow me whole. The poisonous "What ifs" float to the front of my brain and anxiety wraps its slimy fingers around my neck. Before I know what is going on, BAM, I am in full fledged Worry Mode: mind reeling, chest hurting, breathing inhibited.

So what just happened? I forgot. "Do not be anxious about anything. But in EVERYTHING by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the God of peace will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Last night as my heart beat wildly out of control, I sat down wondering whether or not Jesus wanted to hear my stupid problems. How is it possible that the God of the Universe cares about a flight? Or a dress? Or a silly job? In that moment I heard his gentle whisper, "Jamie, what do you want? What have I NOT done for you?" I started rolling all of God's goodness over in my mind... he gave me a job without much effort whatsoever. He found me a box spring and a frame for $20. He turned a $20 donation into $200 back into my pocket. He gave me the opportunity to start a Bible study. He gave me all green lights on the way to work when I was running late. He pours out rain on the grass to make it green. So, what are you complaining about? The job he has given you? The wonderful friends he has put in your life? The ministry he gives you every day? I think the "with thanksgiving" is the KEY to the not being anxious part.

Maybe instead of saying, "If only..." I'll start saying, "Only if you go with me..." The God of peace promises to be with us.