Saturday, January 26, 2008

I've never been SO at a loss for words...


Lately there has been a battle of wills… mine verses God’s. This has become a moment by moment ordeal. Will I do what God is calling me to do or will I do what “looks” right to me. The later is rarely BAD… just not what he is calling me to.

God has had to take me and show me that HE is central. I must live every moment of every day saying, “Jesus, you are central. Whatever you want me to do today I will do it – whether that means washing dishes, scrubbing floors, smiling at someone, or talking to someone about you.

Today God gave me a conversation that I’ve been wanting for a while, but it was different than I expected… while at the café today, I was doing just what I was talking about earlier… trying to keep Christ central. Washing dishes, making food, smiling at people and then He opened a door.

One of the girls that I work with, Susi is the only believer in her family. Today her cousin decided to come to El Sendero with her 2 friends and I just happened to walk up at just the right time to get introduced. All three girls were 16 and very talkative. They wanted to practice their English and I told them I would love to. We talked about where they lived, how old they were, where they went to school, the boys they like (of course, because girls will always default to boys) and then they asked me a prime question, “Why are you here?” I explained to them that I used to work with teenagers, hang out with them, love them and talk to them about my relationship with Jesus and that I was here to work at El Sendero and make friends.

Por su puesto (meaning ‘of course’… my new favorite phrase in Spanish J) they asked me if I was religious. And I told them no. I didn’t like religion because it was a set of rules… what I had was a relationship with God. That peaked some interest and so we started talking about what each one of them believed. One girl, Toa is Bahai because her dad is from Iran. The other two, Estaphanie and Amyna are both Catholic because their families are. We talked a little more and then they had to go to English class but promised they would come back and visit more.

As I sat there talking to them, I felt so helpless. I usually know what to say, or what to ask… but to be real honest, I felt speechless. I want to form a relationship with these girls, but we are worlds apart. How do I even start?

All evening I have been plagued by this thought. I know the “right” answer… to love them. But to be honest, I wonder if its enough. My heart is broken for them and I desperately want them to be loved by Jesus through me… but I think to myself, ‘Who am I?’

Even as I wrote that, God brought to my mind a conversation I had with my roommate, Kate this afternoon. We were talking about a part in Corinthians when it says that we are Christ’s ambassadors and God makes his appeal through us.

That thought blows me away… I am not a worthy vessel, but my prayer for my time here is that GOD would make his appeal through me to these people that he loves so deeply.

1 comment:

rlhilde said...

I cannot think of a more "worthy vessel" than you Jamie. The central theme of Christ is to love, and you definitely are a vessel of that love, of Christ, to others.